BUILDING TRUST: Levels of Cyclical Trust

BY ALI PAVLICH

As I was thinking about the concept of building trust, many relationships and situations quickly came to mind. I allowed my thoughts and feelings to remain curious and wander. After some time, there were two things that felt true to me with regards to building trust; different layers of trust that coexist and the cyclical nature of building them. 

Take a moment to let your mind wander on the concept of trust.

  • What first comes to mind? Is it a relationship or person?

  • Think about what requires your trust but isn’t a person.

  • Did you think about trusting yourself or only consider trusting other people?

When I was first thinking about trust, a bunch of relationships popped into my head. Quite frankly, they were all situations where trust had been broken. I challenged myself to think a little deeper and I realized that there is a lot throughout my day that requires trust. 

Levels of Trust

I sat in a metal folding chair, working the front desk at the dance studio when I was ideating the concept of trust. Except I wasn’t sitting normally in the chair, I had my feet on the shelf of the desk and I was leaning backwards on the legs of the chair. As I was thinking about relationships and broken trust, I realized that I also had to trust that the chair wouldn’t break or that I wouldn’t lean a little too far and come crashing down. This triggered me to start thinking about the different levels of trust we experience.

The more I thought about it, much of my daily routine started with a small act of trust but evolved the more I thought about it. Driving for example started with me trusting that my car would get me where I wanted to go and ended with me putting blind trust in other drivers abiding by the law. At first I wouldn’t have considered other drivers requiring a high level of trust because the act of driving somewhere safely is very routine but to some extent I am trusting them (and even myself) with my life. My mind went down a rabbit hole of things to consider: is that text really worth reading/responding to, are they sober, is the music distracting?

Narrowing my scope of trust, I place a moderate amount of trust in leadership and coworkers. Upon interviewing, you have to trust that leadership is sharing an accurate depiction of the organization or company. On a deeper level than assuming your coworkers will fulfill their responsibilities, you also have to trust their intentions. Over time you’ll be able to refine the confidence that you have in those relationships. 

For me, the highest level of trust is with my friends and family, especially when it’s reciprocated. These relationships often receive my raw, unfiltered emotions. I don’t have to worry about whether they will judge me or share private information. The trust is then deepened when they are assured I will return the feeling of security. 

Cyclical Nature

I noticed various cycles as I continued to ponder the concept of building trust. The first cycle is when you’re experiencing someone or something for the first time. You have to decide the level of trust you are going to give to that person. Do you trust them a little until they’ve proven their worthiness or do you trust them fully from the get go? 

This cycle is repeated throughout your life as you move to a new place and need to make friends, change jobs, start dating, or find a counselor. The list goes on and on. It can also be present when you don’t have a relationship with the person you’re extending trust to; is the pilot rested enough to fly, will this Uber driver take me to the requested location or is this review honest?

The second cycle is what to do when trust is broken, which could be two additional cycles in itself. There’s the option to rebuild trust, which can be a slow, time consuming process. I have been on both sides of breaking and repairing trust. If both sides are willing to work together and reestablish the former relationship, a greater sense of trust can be present. Personally, when I have broken someone’s trust and we have worked to repair it, I have ended up trusting them more because they didn’t give up on me when I made a poor choice. 

There’s also the option not to repair or engage with the person who broke your trust. I can only think of a handful of times where this has been what I have chosen to do when I lost security in a relationship. That decision was made based on choosing to prioritize my emotional health. However, deep hurt like that shapes how you build trust with others in the future.

Trusting yourself

Throughout the days I have taken to examine and think about what building trust looks like for me, it ultimately came down to trusting my gut. If I would’ve trusted my instincts in the past, I wouldn’t have placed so much vulnerability in the hands of others. On the flip side, I have built strong relationships quickly because I knew when people were trusting me to the same capacity.