REDEFINING ELDERSHIP: Respect is a Two Way Street

My partner has been searching for a starting job in architecture for the past two years, receiving this constant feedback: “We are looking for someone with more experience.” However, how do you get experience, if no one is giving you said experience? 

We have a mentorship problem where Elders are not willing to cede power, there is a lack of faith in upcoming generations and steadfast maintenance of trauma narratives (i.e. Pull yourself by the bootstraps). 

I’m not here to solicit ageism against elders but to mitigate prejudice against young people. 

Adultism

You could define this as disrespectful biases older counterparts inflict upon young people on the basis that their opinions weigh more significantly. In our societies that idolize age as synonymous with wisdom, Elders capture the upper hand creating uneven power differentials that illuminate their dominance in relationships. For example, my partner is not willing to engage in free labor (nor should anyone), therefore as it counteracts with dated mindsets, he pays the price in finding an experience that is often gatekept by individuals and systems of oppression. This has the power to cultivate two types of youth: Those who seek validation (complacency) and those who oppose authority (refusing status quo). However, how can you blame either individual when the system is not working? 

Let’s take a step back from my personal experience and contemplate the United States government where “the Constitution defines minimum age requirements for elected offices and there are no age caps.” This can be disheartening because younger generations can feel stuck without a sense of autonomy, especially a generation that is more diverse and interconnected than their predecessors. As we see Critical Race Theory (CRT) opposed, anti-trans legislation, abortion politics, and lack of gun control policy, are intentional choices made on the merits of power, fear, and hate. 

We should all invest in the progress, not a perfection mindset, but steeping ourselves into a delusion of toxic positivity will only allow people abusing the system to not be held accountable. And for the elders who might be frustrated with my words, what are you doing to hold your peers accountable?

Have you or your peers ever said the following statements to a young person? If so, you may be a part of the problem: 

  • “You’re so smart for your age.”

  • “You don’t know anything about what I’m talking about because you’re too young.”

  • “You should ____ because I said so!”

Back to Mentorship…

I have been fortunate enough to be mentored by elders who saw potential, but as we should not judge a book by its cover, how do you truly comprehend someone’s potential energy without the risk? Perhaps, the scarcity that inhabits our way of life influences our sense of risk.

I often hear and see that organizations are looking for emerging talent, but in reality, they are looking for pre-cultivated talent. You cannot even guarantee that your degree, which adults insisted we get, can obtain a job. For example, an entry level position can require 3-5 years of experience while offering a meager salary to barely survive as a human. Should we have to settle, clawing our way to the top? I stay critical, but I recognize that much is beyond us. 

Organizations could create more equitable college to workforce pathways if they had the resources to support their career development. Or, what does meaningful and incremental mentorship look like? The continuous kind where neither party is burnt out or resentful. 

You are Enough

For the past two years, I have worked alongside 8 young people (and 3 more this summer) within Creative Generation’s Summer Residency program. Ultimately, Creative Generation aspires to mentor new professionals, especially those who’s backgrounds have been traditionally underrepresented in the sectors of arts and culture, education and youth development, and social and policy change, with the necessary tools, training, and resources to change the landscape for the future. 

As mentioned, many young people (including myself) are looking for someone to give them a chance, and we believe this residency has potential for career trajectories. If you received a placement with us, your background, your skills, and what makes all of you yourself, is enough.

Setting New Paths Forward

I am grateful to my (and those around me) ancestors and elders because they are willing to show their authenticity, the good and not so good parts of themselves. At those moments, I have the power to choose what I hold onto and what gets left behind. 

I strive to be a horizontal elder, to explore and express a collective voice but also hold those accountable because it should never be an “us versus them” environment but rather just “us” where everyone can be seen as valuable, no matter their role. 

Being an elder is stressful, but it’s also a privilege. As a young person grows, the elder also grows. It is an honor and a privilege to learn and grow together. And there is merit in investing a level of responsibility in younger individuals, but without care, generations will curse the world (as I have done in the past). 

So how do we combat those toxic relationships? Below are starting points: 

  • Have Honest Conversations

  • Analyze Your Relationship; Can Young People Come to You?

  • Establish Mutual Respect

  • Understand Your Role as Both Teacher and Learner

  • Apologize, Take Responsibility, and Ask What Young Learners Need Moving Forward

  • Maintain a Balanced Practice of Rigor and Kindness

  • Realize the Internalized Hierarchy that Makes Elders Hold onto Power (which can derive from resentment of their own youth disempowerment)

At the end of the day, nobody has all the answers but individuals must take the strides to understand a plethora of experiences where one can step up but also step back.